The Movies - An October to Dismember Part 2 - The Revenge
A guide to some of the greatest horror movies to ever grace the silver screen.
With a good friend, I shared a spontaneous viewing of Jim Mickle’s 2013 horror film “We Are What We Are.” It was nice to have someone there to discuss and make sarcastic remarks with for the duration of the film, but honestly, there was nothing to poke fun at really, as it was not the usual, predictable, human-eating-human, gore-fest that I expected, blindly going into a story about cannibals. Instead, I was mostly captivated by a well-told, and immensely sad, story about a family who follows ancient customs that involve fasting, kidnapping and then eating a person in a ritualistic fashion, all the while guided by deeply religious connotations of the Father’s (John Misty) Kuru-ridden mind. For those of you who don’t know what Kuru is, it’s a highly degenerative brain disease you get only from eating the flesh of other humans and it drives you bat shit insane. Think Mad-Cow, but for humans. The film is beautifully and creatively shot, with a strong story, great acting and make up and the perfect amount of shocking, disturbing and gory scenes to keep you incredibly satisfied. It prompts the age-old question, “Would you try it?” I have mixed emotions, but considering my occupation in the culinary industry… Maybe...
Joel Schumachers, 1987 vampire horror, "The Lost Boys." There were so many Vampire flicks to choose from, Nosferatu, Bram Stoker's Dracula, John Carpenter's Vampires, even 30 Days Of Night, but obviously, being the nostalgic late 80s/90s child that I am, I naturally chose this one. A banger cast, a bad-ass blood-sucking Kiefer Sutherland, a very misunderstood and brooding Jason Patric succumbing to the most intense peer-pressure in existence, both Corey's in their prime (Haim AND Feldman) and the dude who played Bill in the "Bill and Ted" films with Keanu Reeves. As cheesy and ridiculous as this film can be, it has some very gruesome and terrifying scenes, most notably, the Santa Carla beach raid/massacre, when Feldman slaughters Vampire-Bill S. Preston Esq. in his sleep, and when the family dog wastes the Twisted Sister looking vampire motherfucker in the bathtub filled with holy water. It's truly a great piece of cinematic glory, and so is the soundtrack... If you're not familiar with "Tim Cappello" and his famous boardwalk live-performance in this film, I suggest immediately taking that in for everything it's worth. Death by stereo.
I thoroughly enjoyed Tim Burton's 1999 Headless Horseman horror fantasy, "Sleepy Hollow." I simply love this film to death. I mean, I'm not going to just count down to Halloween without a Tim Burton masterpiece, am I? Johnny Depp, Christina Ricci, and Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman? It's an unexpected efficient trinity, but I found this adaptation of a simple ghost story (and Disney cartoon I watch every Halloween night) written in 1820 to be most profound and brilliantly executed. Like most Tim Burton films, dark and scary, pale and gothic, dramatic and disdainful, but shot with eyes only for the beauty found in the darkest of places the mind wanders, giving us a fantastic look into an abstract reality that can be easily missed in many fantasy horror films. I cannot praise this film enough for its integrity and ability to enchant and prod hidden nostalgia while increasing blood pressure. Marvellous.
I am excited to watch James Brolin's swift descent into madness through a pile of firewood and satan's axe to Margot Kidder's head in Stuart Rosenburg's 1979 flick "The Amityville Horror." Supposedly based upon a true story, the story told in a novel by Jay Anson, I grew up thinking that all of the events in this film were 100% real; the gathering flies and voices telling the priest to aggressively take a hike, the little girl's imaginary friend Jodie and evil poltergeists, the pit of black ectoplasm that pours in from hell's cellar door... I didn't realize until I was older that, technically, not all of the events were true, and was disappointed to know that my ungodly fear of Satan, possession and unnatural religious confrontation that developed into my adulthood could have been less intense, if not avoided entirely. All in all, this film is a great, original "Haunted House/Based on true events" tale that eventually spawned a gigantic pile of similar ones, each scarier and gorier and poltergeistier than the next, but I like to think that this one is something very special. A little slow in parts, but I have to praise the absolutely unsettling soundtrack and James Brolin's ability to portray a complete asshole... Then again, if I had glimpsed the Malebolge/8th circle of Dante's Inferno, I would probably be a bit of a Grumpy Gus around my family too.
I watched, with amazement, Edgar Wright's 2004 Zombie Apocalypse Horror-Rom-Com "Shaun of the Dead." Needless to say, I can watch this film over and over and it never gets old hat. It's a hilariously cheerful look at the potential Zombie-Apocalypse that I know we're all prepared for as human beings, right? Simon Pegg is a wonderful would-be hero, strongly reminiscent of Bruce Campbell's Evil Dead heart-throb, Ash. He starts off as cowardly and confused, but given a dramatic and deadly conflict to resolve and 2 damsels in distress (his girlfriend and his mother... Sorry Phillip)), he realizes his self-purpose and it changes him into the man with the plan. As always, Nick Frost is an amazing companion, proven to be loyal (See also, Hot Fuzz (2007)) Bill Nighy also makes an appearance, as a small, but extremely memorable role as Phillip, as he always does. Despite the overall jovial feeling this film contains, there are a few unexpectedly frightening and gruesome scenes that really make your cringe and shiver with sick delight (David the Twat's timely demise, Pete the Prick's shower scene) I'm fairly certain this amazingly clever film will live forever. You've got red on you #youvegotredonyou
This twisted delight of my choosing is Tom Shankland's 2008 British horror "The Children." Every moment of this film puts me on edge; it takes place on a winter landscape during an estranged family's Christmas/New Year holiday on a secluded property in the woods, where seemingly, a virus, affecting only the young children, begins to wreak havoc on the family, turning the kids into murderous and sadistic little devils, offing the adults one by one, in a grim and undesirable, bloody fashion. Sounds a little lame, I know, but the way in which the story is portrayed (Pale kids bleeding out of their heads, vomiting and screaming in unearthly tones, making clever and torturous traps for the adults and house-pets, seeing violent and demonic images flash before their eyes) is actually quite a an untraditional tale of horror. Visually, the film is stunning. Great photography work and make up. Lots of classic "blood-on-snow" scenes in the woods, heart attacks in all the right places and, considering this movie takes place during Christmas vacation, there is also a warped sense of comfort and holiday cheer. Highly recommend, and if you don't writhe a bit in your seat during the "sled" scene, you're not doing it right.
The next treatmare is with my bud Fredward M. Kreuger and Jonathan Depp's film debut in Wes Craven's supernatural "you've gotta believe me!" 1984 slasher-horror "A Nightmare on Elm Street." First of all, the original movie poster for this is fucking incredible as is the whole concept for this film: A child-killer with his hand-crafted artisan razor-claw glove gets rounded up by the Ohio village-folk and burned at the stake, only for his entity to return and plague the nightmares of cool teens in a bloody rampage that blurs the line between dreams and reality. Real neat. Lots of original and amazingly practical scares and special effects mixed with otherworldly images and creative deaths (ie. Claw marks made with invisible hands, hands and faces stretching out of the walls, bloody bodies defying gravity, Freddy's nightmare world, the bottomless torrent of blood consuming a nubile young Johnny Depp pre-his extensive acting career... The list goes on and then some) There is an ominous feeling of doom throughout the entire film that aches more and more as you near it's end, just like it should... Definitely a horror film study staple. From every angle, this film is genius, and I will add that not only is Robert Englund an excellent and bone-rattling choice for Fred "Groundskeeper Willie" Kreuger, but he is also a very creepy and deviantly perverted old codger. One, Two, Freddy's coming for you.
Last night I faced my fears by watching for the first time in a long time, William Friedkin's adaptation of William Peter Blatty's 1973 supernatural horror "The Exorcist." I'm sure it goes without saying, the classic scenes in this film will continue to live forever, drenched in priest-burning demon-bile, unnaturally twisting and contorting from every angle like a fallen circus-freak and violently masturbating with a crucifix... That last one being probably one of the most grim, offensive and shocking scenes in horror history, more so than any other exorcism/faith-shaking film "The Exorcist" no doubt inspired. It still makes me cringe in delight, but I spent a good amount of years avoiding this film due to seeing it at an age well before I should have. Linda Blair's satanically twisted face, body and voice have haunted my nightmares for years and given me an ungodly fear of demonic possession... Which is rather strange considering all the non-fictional evil that exists in reality. I couldn't handle even seeing her face during various cameos (Scream, Supernatural) Upon the re-watch, I realized how slow-moving this film actually is but for good measure, giving the glaring, unspeakable violation of vulnerable human existence versus the perceived hell's desire to twist, torment and torture the soul a more shocking contrast. It's safe to say I conquered my fear and was actually amused by some scenes as opposed to petrified... I also discovered a few scenes that were more eerie than I remembered (ie. the trip to the doctor's office, the peeing-herself scene, the sounds in the attic, the priest's breath in the air) Above all, inspiring! The power of Christ compels you!
This late-night endeavour is a viewing of Ridley Scott's 1979 Sci-Fi barn burner "Alien." Quite possibly one of the greatest achievements of the science-fiction genre, "Alien" gave birth through the chest cavity to terror that the cinema had never seen. Sure we may look back on this film and view some of the practical special effects as "cheesy" or "trying too hard" but just try to imagine that it's 1979 and you're in the darkness of a theatre and you're watching Kane's "live birth" scene for the very first time. No music. No dialogue. Just brutal screaming, convulsions and a bloody mess that results in an alien being with concentrated acid for blood, growing exponentially and stalking you, whose queen lays eggs that hatch giant pink spider-like facehuggers that lay these things in your chest. I heard tales from my mother that people left the theatre in disgust and terror, or stayed for the film's entirety, pale-faced and vomiting. Sure, the sequels were also incredible (Aliens, Alien 3) and Sigourney Weaver and James Cameron never shined so brightly, but this original will live forever, not only in the countless lore it's created and inspired, with it's morbid imagery (provided in part by H.R. Giger) unforgettable darkness and an ominous theme of hopelessness only, truly, found in deep space... Where no one can hear you scream.
The horror continues late into the night with Neil Marshall's 2005 British Creature Feature "The Descent." A wonderfully exciting film involving 6 female cave-spelunking enthusiasts who become trapped in a series of uncharted cave systems beneath the Appalachians, only to discover vicious, human-flesh craving troglodytes... A truly beautiful idea. I believe what really makes this film, not unlike most memorable modern horror films in this genre, is the emotional substance that is provided early on before anything glorious happens (Family tragedy, cheating bastard) I find back-story and dramatic insight is most important next to delivery of shock value and goregasms, especially in an excellent creature flick such as this, and most appropriate considering the incredible terror and trauma the women are forced to experience at the bottom of the world, trying desperately to survive and evade bat-like zombie-people who live in absolute darkness. Simply excellent. There's a scene in which the creatures drop their fresh kill (Holly) in front of the petrified main character (Sarah) who has just regained consciousness in a giant pile of picked bones and pool of dirty blood and is forced to watch them devour her friend in a majestic "National Geographic" documentary style. Perfectly gruesome. This film does a great job at delivering unspeakable violation and a feeling of relentless, exhausted hope for safety... The previous explorers abandoned equipment that is discovered goes a long way. Marvellous
Let's carve some classic Jack-O-Lanterns (while drunk) while watching John Carpenter's original 1978 slasher "Halloween." Going for the classic and nostalgic factor here, and it's really working. Michael Myers is the perfect spawn of Satan himself, an unforgettable mask decorating our nightmares for decades, putting a young and sexy Jamie-Lee Curtis on the map for our entire teenage lives. As a hoarse Donald Pleasance once said, probably invariably, he's evil refined and purified, relentless and unforgiving, eternal. With this film, I truly believe that John Carpenter defined a genre, and redefined the way we sense our annual celebration of All Hallow's Eve, making it more exhilarating, if not comfortable, to be absolutely haunted by our fears. The soundtrack alone invokes what we all feel deep down, whether we celebrate Halloween or not, on the 31st of each October. I feel I don't need to say much on the subject of this film, except to embrace it, study it and help your community to aspire to the Haddonfield aesthetic every year. Rob Zombie did decades later, and I would like to believe he did the film justice, educating a new generation on horror and its aftermath. Forever and always, well done. #closetomyheart
Tonight is gate night, so I will be celebrating accordingly with a lovely and clever cult Halloween horror film "Trick R Treat." Written and directed by Michael Doughe in 2007 (who is currently working on the coming X-Men: Apocalypse) the actual film was screened only in select theatres and then released directly to DVD and BR in 2009, which to me is absolutely criminal. This film captures the very essence of Halloween, with its beautiful photography and ghastly imagery, festive soundtrack and creates a fresh look into the traditions, horror and dark delights we find only around this time of year. The use of colour and shadow, costumes and make up and four clever story lines that tie into themselves throughout the film is incredibly brilliant, bordering on a tight and shocking Tarantino-spawned plot. The main character, or questionable villain, "Sam," a demon creature seemingly conjured to our plane during Samhain, terrorizes the hooligans of Earth and enforces every Halloween tradition as if it was law stated in some deranged, hellish constitution. There is simply a great balance of comedy, childhood nostalgia and delicious gore that makes this flick a perfect final act to a month of horror. Happy Halloween, and remember, always enter dark basements and attics alone to investigate strange noises, always have gratuitous sex at parties while deranged killers are on the loose and above all else, believe that there are things out there that cannot be explained. Goodnight! (Cue maniacal "Thriller" laugh)